Marriage and a Special Needs Child

Most times, during the early years of my son's life, I felt alone fighting the battle of obtaining resources and a proper diagnosis. In my mind, I saw my husband as someone who didn't care or didn't want to be involved in our child's life. This part of our marriage was difficult, I resented everything my husband did, leaving me with the boys as he enjoyed time away. Being left on my own fighting for our son was difficult, it is a time that I don't like to think about often. I was extremely stressed all the time, which in turn made for a difficult relationship with my husband and children.

As I look back at what our lives were like when our son was little until now. I find it difficult to believe that I actually went through all this turmoil myself. But was I really the only one affected by my choices and my son's disability. I see things differently now that all the chaos has left our household. It's just my husband and I, for the most part, our home is quiet and comfortable. 

Originally I felt as though I was the only one being affected, now I know I was wrong. My husband, I feel did not understand my son's diagnosis enough to help effectively. He was scared of losing control of his anger and chose to stay away from discipline. I guess that was a good decision on his part, unfortunately back then I didn't see it as at all helpful. I figured out that he was only doing what he knew was best, staying out of it all. Not the what I wanted him to do, but I guess it worked for him. 

Being that way put a strain on our marriage, we fought constantly over our son's behaviour, the stress it was causing me and how I couldn't get any help. Through it all we stayed together. It's only in hindsight that I can see the importance of his decisions. There was a lot of violence in our household when our son was little and it progressively got worse as he got older. During his tantrums, he would throw things, damage walls, windows and hurt his little brother or me. Even though I feel he needed a strong male role model, my husband struggled with forming a relationship.

It wasn't until 4 years after that our son moved out that things became better for our family. We could take a breath and relax a little, get things in perspective. I have seen my husband and son become closer. My husband can now see our son for the man he's become, appreciate him for his morals and values. 

There are still times however that our son will visit and still stir things up a little. Which we then reiterate the rules of  our house and ask him to leave. It gives us the power to be able to have a quiet, peaceful life which I believe we both deserve. 

                                            Chad, Jordan, and I enjoying a family outing