I know it sounds mean, I do love my children with all my heart, but at this point in my life I feel I deserve some peace. Long gone are the days of running around after little ones. Taking care of my boys took up so much of my life. It wasn't easy, especially when my oldest was in so much turmoil.
As I said my oldest son came over, right away he started with the 'attitude', any parent knows what I mean. Which I in turn choose to 'let it go', but it continued. I then respond in not so nice of manner, and we are off to our routine of a screaming match. I realize that my son is emotional, he tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, any kind of glitch in his daily routine and he is out of whack.
He has recently started a new job doing night shifts, now I understand how difficult this can be for anyone although it seems that my son is a bit sensitive to the new routine. This is causing his overreaction to everyday activities, especially with me.
You think I would learn to see it coming. I guess I do, but I am a hopeful optimistic that things will go smoothly, some days it does. Then I get blindsided with a comment and off we go for another round, leaving us both frustrated and sorry. He is 23 and doing what most 23-year-olds do, I tend to forget that he deals with a lot on a daily basis. His mind swimming with doubt and insecurity, emotions that I know all to well.
When I look at my son I still expect much more of him, that sometimes he is incapable of achieving. Patience is a difficult thing for anyone, but something I feel my son and I need to work on. To not get drawn into the conflict. How do we as parents sit by and watch our children make mistakes? I haven't figured it out yet, I am trying my best to step back and to help him gain independence. I am longing for the day when I can sit back and say, 'yes they have arrived' and enjoy my children again.
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