He had been her world she had always thought he was invincible from as far back as she could remember. He had been the one that had lifted her high on his strong shoulder when she was a child and made her feel that she was special. He had been the one that had covered for her when she was late getting home at night to keep her from the wrath of her father. He had been the one that had cared for a robin with a broken wing until it was well enough to fly again. She had always felt so safe when he was around. She felt that way at this moment and nothing else mattered.
Everything around her turned to shadows as she stared into his eyes trying to find some reason why this had happened. “I miss you so”, she whispered softly. “I cannot live without you.” He looked at her feeling her pain. “You have to stay and find a way to continue with your life, why do you think I always took such care of you.” “Why can’t I come with you,” she asked, “It would be so easy to leave it all behind”. His look told her that this would not happen. Things happen in life for a reason and he was telling her to learn how to live without him.
“If I stay will you come back to see me?” she was almost afraid of his answer that relaxed a little when he promised he would. “Are you happy where you are?” She asked almost afraid to hear the answer. “Yes I am,” he replied “I am finally home.” “Then would I not be just as happy there with you?” She asked trying to persuade him every way she could let her go with him. “No, it is not the time for you to come with me, but one day we will be together again.” “Promise me that you will go on with your life and be happy.” He said to her with a look that told her he would not have it any other way. She heard the words of promise come from her mouth but right now it wasn’t felt in her heart.
Had it been just a week ago they had gotten the news. It could not have been such a short while. She remembered her mother’s tears. The disbelief as they told her he was dead. She remembered that she wished they had told her he was injured badly or in a coma, anything but dead. Death removed all hope and was so very final. She had attended the funeral, but it had seemed so surreal now he had returned to her even if it was in her dreams. She would take whatever she could even if it was a dream just to see his face again.
His vision started to fade and she did not want him to go. “Please come and visit again soon” she pleaded as his face started to fade from her sight. “I will be back from time to time he answered but don’t waste your life. Mind ended too soon, but you can live for both of us.”
The sound of muffled voices from downstairs brought her back to reality. She had hoped that the overdose of pills she had taken at bedtime would end the misery she felt. She tried so hard to lose herself in sleep again and bring the wonderful moment back; maybe to convince him she was better of joining him. Sleep would not help her he was gone once again leaving her all alone. It was no use and the tears started to flow once again. She had to accept that he was gone for good and yet with the same thought she prayed he would visit her again in her dreams.
Her and her brother had a special bond that went beyond the normal sibling even though there were seven children in the family. They thought as one with the same thoughts and the eerie knowledge of knowing when one needed the other. Maybe he sensed that she had needed him tonight. She had depended on him all her life when she was in trouble and he had never failed her. Even in death he had stopped her from joining him forever. This was but a dream, but she relished the moment she had just experienced.
She dragged her heavy body from the warmth of the bed and started to dress facing another day. After all he had had told her to get on with her life so for him she would try desperately to do just that. Maybe in time her sorrow would lessen but right now was too soon. Already she was looking forward to tonight when lost in hers dreams he just might return once more. This time she knew she would not ask to join him and would show him that the love and caring that he showed her during her growing up years were not in vain. She would face today and then tomorrow and all the tomorrows that life would give her, all for and because of him.
Betty Carew
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