Just being Me!

I have always tried to live my life to the best I can. Be kind, considerate, and to put myself in others shoes. I have been the type of person who doesn't like confrontation and can feel inadequate when faced with it. I also have found it easier to write how I feel than to express myself verbally. This has been a problem for me. Through the years I have found that this makes me seem weak in the eyes of others.
Being a mother of a child who has special needs has made me stronger, having to speak out in defence of my son, but I still don't like being in this position.

As a person who is quiet and observant of my sorrounding has been both a blessing and a curse. When confronted by someone in authority I immediately feel my blood pressure rising, my hands shaking, and my stomache turning. Whether or not whay they are saying is true, I have a tendancy to look like I am quilty. This was great for my mother, who would catch me in a lie, which I didn't do often, only because I knew I would get caught. Therefore I lived my childhood in anxiety of what would happen if.
See I am what they call "the quiet type" going through life avoiding conflicts, well trying to avoid them.  But as a mother of Chad, conflicts is all I had. Either with him, my husband, or professionals. So as life threw curves into my life, I found that I wasn't well equiped to handle them. This had made me very stressed and had affected my health tremendously. So much that I decided to try medication, something that I wish I would have done years before. So now that my son has moved out, my stress has too! My blood pressure is good and I am feeling much better.

I find though that even with medication I am still ill equipt to handle stressful situations. To me life is too short to put up with all the bull, and we as people need to practice what we preach. Treat others as we would want to be treated. Maybe those who I have conflict with want to be treated with disrespect, maybe they like control and find that picking on others who seem weak makes it okay. To these people I feel sorry. At least I know that I am a good person, and try to live by God's rules, this is what I teach my children and all of those who I have had contact with over the years.

I am not going to apologize for my personality, I try to be a good friend, a good listener and to help others when I can. I guess if not everyone sees me like that it is their loss.
Denise