The Invisible Disability

 My oldest son was diagnosed with Brain Damage at age 13, by this time he had a list of other diagnosis. With each diagnosis came the grief, and then determination to get him the help he needed. Each and every time we were met with, 'we don't know what to do with him'. He was the type of kid that would save his anger and frustrations until he got home. This meant that his brother and I felt the full wrath of his tantrums. In school he acted out but not in the same destructive way. I guess I was both grateful and annoyed. This meant for Chad that he was seen as a behaviour student not the learning disabled child he was.

Being in the education system I found it extremely frustrating to sit back and watch my child not receive the help he needed so desperately. Each year I would meet with the teachers and reiterate what my son needed. Some years he would be very lucky to have a teacher who cared enough to nurture his growth and he excelled. Other years I would get the stare, head shakes and told that we don't have the resources to help your son.

You see my son's disability was an invisible one. He wasn't in a wheelchair, he didn't look like a Downs Syndrome child, nor did he have any markers of any other intellectual disability. My son looked like any other child. He was big for his age, he loved people, loved animals, and everyone was his friend. People expected him to act a certain way because of the way he looked. This caused its own problems.

As a little boy, Chad would play with younger children, but being so big he was rough, and would often do things like jump, or hit, which would infuriate the parents. Many times I had to scream or angry adults come to my door, telling me how my son was a mean kid, I should kick him in the ass, discipline him more, or to let them have him for a day and they would straighten him out. I would remain calm and let the parents know that he had a disability and that we were trying to help him as best we could. Of course some parents would think this was an excuse and stomp away, then there were a select few who listened to me, as I offered advice on how to handle him. Also if they were to have him play with their children then I needed to know if his behaviour wasn't appropriate and consequences were given. I am very grateful for the understanding from these parents who decided to give my child a chance. Who took him into their homes and showed him understanding and love. Every child needs friends and people in their lives who care about them, take the time to get to know them. This helps shape the child's personality and teaches them to navigate through life. To a child with disabilities, this is a gift.